We all have our complexes

Complexed about my skin issues

Every so often someone well intended will come to me and mention something I should try to clear up my skin. Having literally tried everything, I tend to get quite defensive, ready to tell anyone daring to comment that of course I did not decide to have bad skin that day and it’s not like I’m not being careful with it.

Lately, though, I was quite proud of myself. Not only did I not become upset when someone mentioned that cutting dairy often helped, but I took the time to listen. Truly listen. Then I reminded them I’ve been vegan for over 1.5 years now, so dairy has been out of my diet for as long. I calmly thanked the person for their concern and moved on.

I never thought I would manage to react in such a calm manner to a subject I’m really sensitive about.

I’ve always been very complexed about my skin. I’ve had terrible skin since as long as I can remember. And I tried everything to get rid of my acne. But it would always come and go and it made me feel like it was the only thing people could see about me. While there are moments where it’s much better, I’ve learned not to try to hide it underneath makeup. First of, I would always breakout as soon as I try covering my blemishes, making it worst. And second of all, I’m a big advocate of being true to myself. Not pretending to be something I am not, which means accepting my flaws, working my hardest to accomplish my goals and improving my skills.

While this works on most days, there are still days where I don’t even want to go out. Because I am ashamed of how I look. And I feel like a failure for struggling to get over this.

A fairly good day skin-wise, no makeup except eyeliner and mascara. Crooked nose still there
A fairly good day skin-wise, no makeup except eyeliner and mascara. Crooked nose still there, though.

Nose job anyone?

When I was younger I was also obsessed with my nose. I’ve been asked numerous times if I broke it previously. Which I never did. It just happens to be crooked. I seriously considered getting it fixed up to a few years ago. When I look at family pictures, however, it’s pretty obvious the crooked nose runs in the family. At one point I did realize that even if I was to change my nose, my skin or my belly, I would probably find something else I wouldn’t like about myself to focus on.

I also realized that pretty much everybody has something they would like to change about themselves. Even people who, to me, look absolutely perfect. It is one of the few things that are actually universal. Which also makes it very dumb to focus on the things we don’t like about ourselves. There will always be something that can be improved to fit the new beauty criteria. There will always be someone prettier, skinnier, smarter and more charismatic. But the other end of the spectrum is also true. For some other people, you will always be that someone that is simply more.

Beauty changes all the time: curly hair, straight hair, skinny, curvy, big boobs, big ass. And while I can understand why some people decide to have surgery, I have the feeling that even if I did, I would probably find something else to change afterwards. Plus like all of you, I’m not getting any younger. My body will change, I might gain or lose weight, my boobs might be aiming lower than they used to. The only thing I can actually work on and wear every day is my smile and my confidence.

As corny as it sounds, on days where I feel like hiding in my bed and not going out, I might either allow myself do just that, or I’ll put on that dress I like and walk out of the door anyway. I might have to remind myself multiple times that there’s no such thing as perfection and if some people don’t like me or don’t find me attractive, it’s actually not a big deal and definitely none of my business.

I’m sure you been attracted to someone, not because they were a 10, but because their personality was shining through, and that’s what made them so unbelievably sexy. Maybe they were so smart and well spoken. Or so passionate about something that even though you couldn’t have cared less about that subject, they would lit up so much when talking, you could only see them in a room full of people.

Perhaps they were not the prettiest, the taller or the most muscular, but you still found yourself wanting to share your bed and at least a few hours of your life with them. I know I have.

So take this as a reminder. If every day you like everything about yourself, good on you! But if you don’t, if you have days where you feel like no-one will ever like you, or you feel like that pimple is the worst thing that could have ever happened to you, remember, while you or anybody else might not be perfect, you are unique.

And if you were perfect, there’s a good chance you would no longer be unique, but easily interchangeable. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be unique and being proud of what I accomplish with or without blemishes and a crooked nose rather than forgettable.

So let’s put that smile back on, that fabulous dress you like so much and get out there!

Do you have anything that you used to be hung up on and managed to move on from?

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5 thoughts on “We all have our complexes”

  1. Bien dit et écrit, c’est dommage que l’on se traite et aussi traite les autres de manière si blessante. Je t’aime tel quel et je suis fière que tu es eu le courage de le partager avec nous.
    A+ mabelle!

    Lynn

    1. Merci Lynn, c’est vrai qu’on a plutôt tendance à être vraiment durs envers nous-même et les autres. Heureusement on a aussi la capacité de se rendre compte de nos réflexions et de les modifier au besoin 🙂

  2. Very well said Andrée-Anne! I can relate to this very well and I’m sure most people can (or everyone, dare I say)!…Even the skinniest and prettiest of all can have complexes. Lets stand strong together and speak louder than society’s expectations and dictations. Thank you, Andrée-Anne for helping others feel normal. Were one step closer to more self-esteem!

  3. This reading was simply perfect. I believe that we have all lived this reality in a certain way, imposed under a society of appearances. In my adolescence I also lived and felt that I should stay at home, before going to the beach or the pool with my friends, just for not wanting to show my body. Nowadays, I can say that my body is the most beautiful treasure that I have, because yes, one, it’s me, it’s what represents me and it’s my life on it. My birthmarks, my everything. Today I feel very free and I love every part of it, and absolutely no one has the right to comment or judge on my body or anybody. I feel proud of you, thank you for this.

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