Expectations when it comes to love or any relationship can make things very complicated. Especially if part of the relationship and discussion happens online. Words don’t convey quite the same meaning or can be interpreted very differently when they are written instead of spoken.
I had a story along those lines. We met and hung out for about a week. I developed a high school kind of crush on him. Nothing happened although we clearly had a connection. Clear enough for everybody else to see too. We both left but stayed in touch for the entire summer I was back in Canada. We messaged so much, sharing a lot about our personal lives.
It felt like an impossible relationship at the time, so it made it a lot easier since we had absolutely nothing to lose. We could totally open up to each other since there was not the risk of our difficulties to be brought back up with the involved person.
But then, as life can be surprising sometimes, we ended up living in the same city. We saw each other again. The anticipation, at least on my part was massive.
Like most people in similar situations, I had filled the blank with what worked for me. Adding a bit of fantasy to the scenario. But no one can live up to fantasy expectations. We reconnected and the vibe was still very much there. But I don’t think either of us was ready for compromises. Or a relationship. Not willing enough to give it a try anyway. In theory, it was something we both wanted, but the reality was quite different.
Everybody seems to have at least a story somewhat similar to this. You meet someone, it works. But it’s an impossible relationship for various reasons. You build this persona in your mind, and the person most likely is not quite like it but it doesn’t really matter. You keep dreaming about them. And if you are lucky and your timing is ok, you might attempt a relationship. It might work or it might fail but as long as you get to the end of it, you’ll be able to let it go eventually.
Some stories are different, however. Sometimes you do not get a proper end to a story, and you are left with the what-ifs. What if we actually gave this a shot? What if I didn’t leave the country?
And that makes it very hard to move on. At least from my experience. And the experience of some close friends of mine. It’s like reading a book but not getting to the conclusion of it. The possibilities are endless. And it makes it very difficult to say ”oh well…this is it”. You keep that hope that maybe if things were different it could have worked. Carrying unfinished business adds a decent amount on one’s shoulders. I know it’s the case for me anyway.
This does also apply to other areas of life like work or friendships. Unfinished business brings a lot of what-ifs. And it makes you reconsider your choices and decisions. Sometimes I find it very hard to step off from that mental hamster wheel and just let it go.